I am sorry for the loss of K in my life. I worry for him. I wonder. I hope, for his future. He is such a beautiful, beautiful man, and I wish for his life to reflect and enhance that beauty. He deserves it. I am sad that I could not be a part of it. I started feeling that I was doing more to frustra . . . (More)

Well. That sucks.

I'm a stubborn girl. Despite my emotional desire to take it all back, I won't. Despite my fear of being hurt, I'll stay open. Because I expect him to. Because it's worth it. Because I refuse to go back behind those dark, cold walls that held me for so long. I'm still cautious with K. I have need to . . . (More)

I am fully expecting that some day, maybe not too far in the future, one of you is going to force me to decide which is more important. I will find myself in a situation where it's "him or me," and honestly, I don't know which I would choose. I don't want to have to choose. I need you both. It's fr . . . (More)

"Why?" He asks me as we lay in the dark. Why love me? The implication is always that there is nothing special to him. No reason I should value him so highly. Sometimes he expresses that thought. Sometimes not. Sometimes he tells me that I shouldn't. Always the answer is both simple and complex. Th . . . (More)

I just wanted to do something special for my Daddy, and it got ruined. What's a girl to do?

Pardon my absence yesterday, but I was sick. Fever, headache, congestion... Oh, the joy. And it got worse if I stood up. I'm still not feeling fantastic today, but I'm well enough to be at work. I got to K's house on Tuesday night, and he played Daddy. Wrapped me up in a blanket and snuggled me on . . . (More)

I have some things to say, but they're not solidified in my mind. If I start writing now, it will wander all over the place and not actually say anything. So I'm sitting here in silence, trying to settle on one topic. One point of choice. One idea that I want to convey. While I sat here trying to f . . . (More)

To be fair, it's more like winning a lottery than any contest where what I've done actually matters. And it's a small victory, in the grand scheme. But still... I WIN!!!   I've been invited up to K's house on Tuesday. We'll see what happens from there. . . . (More)

Cripes. I'm nervous about just talking -- no, less than that, just IMing with the man that I've been having steamy sex with for months. And it's not even that I'm planning on having some deep, soul-baring conversation. I'm just looking forward to talking to him and scared that it will be akward. H . . . (More)