who am i?


Anjelle
Complicated

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Things I Write About
Processing
Quickie
Emotional
Events
Hubby
State of Mind
Love
K
Joy
Family
Something Silly
Blog Notes
BDSM
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Lass
Bratling
Jae
Creative Writing
Tarot
P.vert
Arts & Crafts
Pagan/Witchery
Little
Monkey Love
History
Slowing Down
Poly

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Artwork Stephanie Pui-Mun Law

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Sunday, January 11, 2015
Why I Stare at the Screen

Sometimes I just... Don't want to do anything.

I want to be a bump on a log. A pebble in a cave.

Some days I want to just not exist for a while.

Life is hard. Stress messes with me. Winter messes with me. Hormones mess with me. Relationships mess with me.

I want to cuddle, but I feel claustrophobic. I want to make love, but I'm not aroused. I want to worship, but I feel no reverence. I want to go out, but I don't want to see anyone. I want to be in nature, but nature is cold and damp and unfriendly. I want to talk to my friends, but I don't want to reveal anything.

I think I'll just sit here.

Wednesday, January 07, 2015
Transformation

Did you know that the dragonfly larvae -- called a nymph, or naiad -- crawls up out of the water and literally splits it's own skin to emerge as an adult dragonfly? Sometimes I feel like that.

Lately, I feel like that.

Stuck inside some shell of myself, knowing I need to break free. Something needs to change, and it all hurts. Trying to stay the same hurts.

Posted at 08:27 pm by Anjelle
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Sunday, January 04, 2015
Dragonfly Tattoo

When she put the stencil on my skin, I let out a deep sigh of relief. Finally.

The needles etched tracks of ink and fire across my back.

Pain vibrated through my body. Is this what transformation feels like?

Skin splitting until wings burst forth.

Posted at 12:21 pm by Anjelle
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Friday, January 02, 2015
An Answer

My Love,

Sometimes you ask me why I stay.

We have problems. I admit this freely. Sometimes these problems seem overwhelmingly impossible. Sometimes so overwhelming that we both feel beat.

Other times, it's hard to remember that we do have problems.

I could list a dozen or more good things about you. You like to brush them off as "just how it is," but I think we both agree that while maybe it should be that way, it often isn't. I could list the things you do, or say, but that isn't why I stay. That's only how it started.

I stay because I know you. You're a good man. You are a match for me. In every way. When I'm not so crazed with emotion I can't think straight, I understand you. I know who you are on the inside, even when the outside frustrates me. I stay, because no matter how bad it gets, I know that without you is worse. You are my Mate.

No matter what the problem is, I have faith in our ability to get through it. I stay, because you never make me question your love. Because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the best thing that has ever happened to my children. You understand me. And when you don't understand me, when I don't make sense, you try anyway.

You are the only person I have ever felt safe being vulnerable with. The only one I have been able to be fully open to.

A few bumps in the road aren't enough to shake me off. Heck, a canyon wouldn't be enough.

I stay because the good always outweighs the bad. Your best always outweighs your worst.

I hope that you feel the same. I think you do.

I live you,
Your Anjelle

Posted at 06:21 pm by Anjelle
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Monday, December 29, 2014
Random Words

I am a hurricane
You are the sea

Posted at 08:12 pm by Anjelle
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