I think there was a bigger deal made of my birthday this year than there has been for many years.
Last year we went out one night, on my own planning. To my favorite strip club. It was so much fun, that I planned it again this year. Different players, same idea. It was, again, a ton of fun. Before we went out, I made a dinner of pork ribs, pasta with sauteed mushrooms, broccoli, and cauliflower. It was fantastic.
My mum wanted to cook me a birthday dinner, so we arranged to do that Sunday evening. When I got there, we made paper bag puppets -- a monkey for Mr. No, an elephant for mum, a bear for dad, and a tiger for me. They were so cute! Then Mr. No played a round of Uno with us. When he didn't win, he decided he didn't want to play again, so we played a dice game. We had salmon for dinner, and an all around good family time.
Yesterday was my actual birthday, and I came in to find my desk papered with 'Happy Birthday' signs in various designs. Also an aroma diffuser from the two girls I work with most. I got two birthday cards at work. One from H.R. and one from the folks in my department. Inside the card from my coworkers, was a sheet of sparkly fairy stickers. My boss, bless her, bought me a little toy fairy doll. The diffuser is now covered in sparkly stickers, and the fairy is riding on a My Little Pony across one of my shelves.
D had been telling me for a week that he wanted the night of my birthday. He was feeling sick enough that he didn't go to work, so I thought we would have to postpone. But... After we had dinner, there was a huuuuuuge cake. "Happy 4th Birthday, Anjelle," it said in it's happy purple frosting, surrounded by smiling flowers, a shiney sun, and two bumbly bees. So cute! And he got down the teacups, and saucers, and cookie plates, and we had a little tea party, just the two of us.
I got all kinds of calls and notes from people all over. Friends, and family. Even Daddy K took the time to write me a Happy Birthday email.
I just got off the phone. And, while I'm convinced that I should be happy to have heard from the person on the other end, somehow the call just depressed me.
Seems like we spend a lot of time saying "Lets get together soon." So far, it hasn't happened. No day or time has been set. Just occasional calls.
Seeing him while he's at work is just not the same.
I have a lot of thoughts on this one, but I don't think I could explain. Not in a way that makes sense, anyhow. In summation, the relationship (or lack) just makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him. Not young enough, not pretty enough, not worthy... Not something, I don't know what, but whatever it is I can't change it.
I guess I should talk to him about it. It's not going to change by desire alone.
My boss just stopped by my desk. She wanted to let me know that I was talked about yesterday. They are doing some hiring, and someone mentioned me as an example of the type of person they would like to hire. Aw! "Very professional, friendly, always looks nice, and is a hard worker."
When she walked away, I clicked back into the other window where I was checking my yahoo group messages.