I have some things to say, but they're not solidified in my mind. If I start writing now, it will wander all over the place and not actually say anything. So I'm sitting here in silence, trying to settle on one topic. One point of choice. One idea that I want to convey.
While I sat here trying to fall into a groove, I realized that maybe that is what I need to write about today. Maybe I don't need to write about my flaws, my impatience, or the desire to learn and grow, or the work it takes to get where I want to be. Maybe today I just need to say that I'm thinking about all of that, and so much more.
I want to thank you for that.
Thank you, P. You challenge me. Every conversation, every thought that escapes your head challenges me. It's contrary to my comfortable little hole in the soil, and I love that about you. I love that you argue with me. You force me to look at myself in a different way. You help me to see my relationships differently. And by looking at all the angles -- even the ones I don't like -- I get to see a little better.
Thank you, D. You support me. I know we try not to dwell on the past, but I want to delve back just long enough to say that you have always done your very best to support me. When I said BDSM, you looked into it. When I cried, you held me and listened. When I had a problem, you offered a solution. When I was hurting, you tried to save me. Anything I want to do, I know that I can count on you to help me along.
Thank you, K. You feed me. I don't mean literal food, although you do that also on occasion. You feed my passion. You feed my drive. Our interactions -- even when not entirely pleasant -- give me the energy to get through every day. You fill me up and keep me vibrant. I'm pretty sure I glow just from talking to you. Life has color as long as I have you.
Thank you, to all my dear friends. You complete me. You fill my days and nights with smiles, and laughter. It's all of you that make this life worth living. It's all of you that make me want to keep growing, keep going, keep getting stronger and better. It's all of you that fill my heart and mind. I am beautiful not because of myself, but because of you. Each of you. I can't even start to list names or initials, for fear I'd leave someone out. Or, at the least, make this entry far longer than anyone could sit through. You know who you are. (If you're reading this, and you think it's not you, think again. It's you.)
Early this weekend, we had a little accident. My son knocked over my coffee. We hurriedly sopped it up out of the carpet, and tossed the blanket we had been snuggling under into the washer. Five minutes into the cycle, I realized I couldn't find my phone. It was still tangled in the blanket when I found it -- soaked.
It's still drying out. I felt sort of lost all weekend. No phone. Not even phone numbers, since I couldn't even turn it on to get to my contact list. Late Sunday afternoon, I gave in to the inevitable.
I have a new phone. The old one wasn't charging right anyway. It was about two years old, after all. I really love the new one. I finally have a full keypad, so I can keep up with all my text-addicted friends and family.
If I don't call you, though, just know that I haven't lost your number on purpose. Hopefully the poor thing dries out enough to give up my contacts. I miss you guys!
My desk at work is pritti. I have a (fake, plastic) cauldron full of chocolate. Three adorable little witchies. (More on those later.) My maroon velvet witch hat -- complete with glitter! A white skull candle, partially burned. My crystal ball, and a smaller flourite pyramid.
The only thing I'm missing is my broom. And I'm missing that in general. I need to re-do the brush end of it, as a mischevious kitty thought it would be funny to pull the straw out. Le sigh. Still, as a first effort, it lasted until the kitty got at it, so I'm not too upset. I'm actually sort of happy to be able to give it a second go.
I'm so happy to have all my things cheering up my work space.
I'm sure everyone will start giving me a hard time when most of it stays after the 1st of November. But who cares! I can take it. I wear my 'Witchy' t-shirt often enough they should know by now.
I haven't been getting enough sleep lately. Up late talking, playing, being around the people I love in whatever way I can. Still, I've been waking up feeling more refreshed and ready for the day than I have felt in a while. I guess this is what it's like when I'm happy.
I must have been sleeping awfully deeply last night. I woke up on the far side of a king bed, and had to scoot pretty far to find my snuggle-buddy again. I remember thinking "How the heck did I get way over here?" I love to be able to touch, at the least, and preferably press fully body-to-body when sleeping.
When I sleep at K's on a Tuesday, he doesn't sleep with me. It's his night to stay up and try to get on schedule for work. In the morning, before I wake up, he comes in and lays down next to me. I always wake up just enough to make sure that we're cuddled up close. One of the best parts of snuggling is being wrapped in the one you love when the alarm goes off.
I don't mind sleeping alone, though. It's uncomfortable to sleep alone when I'm living with someone -- and I've done it, so I know. But right now it's nice to be able to go home and spread out on my own bed, with my bright pink sheets. Not that I want to every night, but just that it's there and I can.
Sometimes I need to dream alone. Even when you're not there beside me, you're always with me where it counts.