"The divine mysteries of nature are above and beyond the power of conception of the limited intellect. They must be grasped by the power of the spirit." --Franz Hartmann
I went browsing an antique shop, and found a book on magic. Go figure. So far it is very interesting reading indeed. In the preface alone, I have been forced to confront myself about my motives.
I study because I like to know things. I have an insatiable curiousity. The real knowing, though, comes from the heart, and the spirit. There, I find I am lacking. I doubt myself and my abilities.
In the material world, I am learning confidence. I can do things. I still have insecurities when it comes to the unknown -- not because it may be difficult, but because I fear that everyone will see my lack of experience.
I have the same fear on a spiritual level.
I study and read because I am afraid that, in doing, I will show my incompetence. This is true of many things, but it hinders me most in magic. I have faith in my power, but no faith in its execution. I need to learn to trust myself. Despite the success and strength of things done on whim and intuition, still I doubt my own skill.
(I could have let recent commenting stop me from making such personal insights public. But I will not allow anyone to destroy my trust and hope in the world. Despite the strength of a handful of hate, I believe in Love above all.)
I always debate when it comes to deleting comments. Up until now, I have tended to let them stand. Everyone has a right to speak their own mind. Today, though, I have a new idea. Because harassment is not the same as speaking your mind. Let me say that again.
Harassment is NOT justified by 'free speech.'
I will pursue this. So I hope you are not using a track-able ISP. Spit your venom elsewhere, and leave me alone.
What is bursting out of the earth, also sprouts from me. Life. Change. Renewal.
It is nearly spring once more, and the energy is building for that first rush. It's time to prepare to push out of the silent darkness, and into Being.
I was laid off from my job.
I loved my job. I love the people I worked with -- both the employees and the clients. I enjoyed the actual work. I believed in the mission of the organization. It broke my heart to have to leave all of that. Nothing personal, they say, just trying to balance the budget. I went home and cried.
Rebirth is painful.
Yesterday, I took a walk with my son. A flash of yellow caught my eye, and I looked down to the dirt. The first bulbs are not just sprouting, they are flowering. Out of the darkness, comes light.
Today, I have more time and energy to dedicate to my creative ventures. I have more of myself to give to my home, my family, and my pets. I will blossom and this new incarnation will be even more beautiful than the last.