I don't remember when I wrote it. I do know that the last time it was posted here was October of 2005. Just before our first wedding anniversary.
Now I have scars healing to match the words.
Funny that it took that time apart to bring us to where I always dreamed we could be.
This is a slightly edited version, for my own sense of flow. It still doesn't sit quite right in the first half, but I'm trying to leave the artist aside for a moment. The idea is more important than the movement.
I want to scream cry laugh fall bite fuck kick yell dance fight live die I want passion. I want explosions in my head -- in my heart.
Spank me. Shake me. Love me. Hate me. Kiss me. Cut me. Run your fingers gently through my hair and then give it a tug that puts fire in my scalp, because I need you.
I need you.
Pull my bones apart, and make a wish.
Make a wish, Love. That star will travel to forever, and beyond. For you. For us.
There aren't many people in this world that I trust absolutely. Most of them I expect to fade away. Run away. Slip away. (Is this the cause or the result of how terrible I am at keeping in touch?)
I've said before that when I love, it's forever. I care about people that I shouldn't even think about any more. I think of them, and wonder if they're ok. (In some cases I know they're not, and I wish them growth and healing.)
I'm scared, though. Always afraid that those closest to me will leave. There are some -- very few -- that I have faith in, but still doubt creeps in when I am weak. I still worry that I might do or say or be the wrong thing, and it will be over. I will be alone. (You'd think with all of the stupid things I've done that they've stuck it through, I'd be a little more confident.)
Somewhere along the way, I got severely screwed up. Somehow, someone convinced me that I had to be perfect to deserve love.