who am i?


Anjelle
Complicated

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Monday, February 02, 2009
Daily

There is power in words. We. Our. Us.

We both say those things so much more than we once did. Not mine. Not yours. Not one or the other. Together. I notice it.


Friday, January 30, 2009
Contrast

As much as my personal spaces tend toward clutter and general disaster, some of you may find this statement a bit shocking...

Organizing makes me happy.

I've spent a good portion of my work-day clearing off a section of our office. Getting rid of things, sorting out, bundling, and re-claiming the area as usable space. It seems to collect junk.

It makes me feel good. To watch this small table go from frightening to fantastic. To know that I did it.

I was getting sick of data entry, so... I took a break and did something useful, but pleasurable.


Thursday, January 29, 2009
Post Script

I am having a rediculously good time with the comments on 'Good Morning, Sunshine.'

I was disappointed for a moment, thinking there wouldn't be more, but... I checked just now, and got another! Hurrah!

I think something is wrong with me, that I'm getting this much amusement out of it. It is honestly (not sarcastically) uplifting in a trying time. Go figure.


Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Weekend

I had a really great weekend.

The date I spoke of went well. Despite some mishaps. Alright, I admit it, I dropped steak on the floor. When Jae said he would eat it anyway, I proceeded to overcook it. Awesome! Nervous distraction means I should keep away from the kitchen, methinks. He did actually eat it. He either really likes steak, or didn't want me to feel bad. Most likely both.

It was nice to have time with Jae and not be distracted by Lass or D. Or anyone else, for most of the evening. He is a lovely kisser. And not discouraged in the least by my wild flailing when tickled. I think what is so nice is that he is attentive and available, fun to be around and easy to talk to. (You know, not counting my usual shy reticence.) He seems to enjoy both my little self and my adult self. There are a lot of good things there.

Saturday was not quite as planned, but still good, once I got over panicking about schedule shifts. Got my hair cut. Don't worry, it's still long, just the unhealthy ends are gone.

Meant to have a lovely evening with D, but something somewhere went off track. We ended up having an emotional discussion. While that wasn't too joyful, I still enjoy those times in our relationship. Even during our fights, my instinct to run is almost gone. Pissed, hurt, angry, upset, no matter how much what's going on sucks, in the back of  my mind I am thinking 'Thank goodness. I needed this. I am so glad that we are doing this -- that we can have this.'

Perhaps that is the simplest form of not settling.

I also wasn't about to settle for going to sleep afterward. We had planned an intense session with a sharp knife. I was looking forward to having that again. Once the issue was resolved, I would say that I even needed it. I asked, and it was granted, and it was not any less than the first time. I believe I shall write details on the other blog, for the curious (and the brave.)

Sunday I cleaned out my car. It was full of junk. Still is, actually, but at least most of it's in the trunk, now. And the trash is gone. Lass and I went to a meeting about submission. It's the first of what will be monthly meetings, and I must say that I am looking forward to making the next one. The potential is huge. After the meeting, I managed to get Lass into a dressing room, and we picked out a top for the evening. I won't go into detail except to say one thing: I WIN! Muahahahaaaa!

Ok, I will say one more thing. When we were all ready, and headed out for the night, that girl looked fabulous. Not that she doesn't always, but this was special. Night was fun. It was a drag show/fundraiser themed around leather and lace. Lass, D, Jae and I, plus a couple of other people all sat around a table close to the "stage." I won gay porn at auction. Fed Jae another steak -- that I did not drop on the floor first. There were a couple of snafus, but we'll leave those out.

Damn good weekend. And tonight...

Dinner party!


Posted at 05:05 pm by Anjelle
Illuminate

Lyrics

I'm not ready to process it all and write it out yet. I need a little more time to settle with myself. When I turned on the radio this morning, it was at the beginning of this song, and I thought it appropriate enough to share.

 

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand


Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Ooohhh

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Rascal Flatts -- Stand


Posted at 11:50 am by Anjelle
Illuminate

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