I've spent a lot of time learning crafts. Hubby says everything I try, I succeed at. I think he might just adore me. Still, I've always spread myself thin and picked things up only to be distracted by some new idea before the last was finished. Everything was fast paced. If I can't finish it in a day or two, it goes in a drawer somewhere to be forgotten.
My resolution this year is to work slower. To create with purpose. To breathe life into everything I touch. I have resolved to lose the frenzy and challenge myself to stability.
Despite what I know of the crafts themselves, I have a lot to learn. My favorite craft blogs are dedicated to slow cloth and the process of creation, rather than churning out results. Their reflections have helped to form the basis of my own. I covet their creations. Rather than trying to create the particular style of these artists, I will attempt to follow the method. There is more satisfaction in that anyway.
Its tough for me to remember to enjoy the journey. So often I simply want the finished product. After following along with these ladies, and getting a sense of what they do, I want more. I want more than a worthless item to toss in a drawer when I'm bored. I want something that speaks to me. I want something that reflects my learning process and ideas. So, while I do not make a habit of New Year's Resolutions -- especially as they are commonly practiced -- I have decided to make one this year.
As a side note to that, I am dedicating one month of focus to each of the chakras. This month is the Root chakra. I've a mandala coloring book which has art for each chakra, and I am also stitching on a piece of tie-dyed cotton. I took a fabric dying class in high school, and have been carrying around the fabric ever since. It feels good to work on these things. I don't know how the final product will turn out, or what I'll do with it. For once... That isn't the point.
"We spend a lot
of time talking about her. Which is interesting to me. I like learning
about people. But I've realized that I really don't want to date
someone that isn't interested in me, in return. I'm not at all
convinced that she is interested. She seems to be thrilled by the
simple fact that someone is interested in her, and that's all it takes
for her to be attached to that person.
tried slipping the conversation off into other areas. I've tried
talking about things that interest me, or parts of my life. She seems
akward and uninterested until the subject turns back to her.
going to have to talk about this. I'm not entirely sure how to bring it
up. But if I don't get some good answers, it might be time to scale
back the whole relationship angle."
You're still doing it. Any interest you show in anything of mine turns immediately into something to do with you. I told you I have been tuning you out as soon as I see it turn into a chat about you. This morning I found myself tuning you out before it even got that far. Every time I tried to stop myself, you proved that it was just a matter of taking a few extra seconds for the subject to return to yourself.
I love you. But I have no interest in you. I won't unless I see something change. Real change. I can't make that happen for you.
Every day it's something new, but it's the same old thing. Different
acts of the same behavior. Different excuses for the same attitude.
Promises of change, but no proof.
I've run out of ideas. I don't have the energy to even think about it
any more. I'm losing the will to try to be nice about it. What does
that leave me? I have a responsibility but no desire. I'm beginning to
wonder if there's any point in taking responsibility for someone who
takes none of their own. I spend more time annoyed than enjoyed. No one
Both of my grandmothers are still living, and yet when I speak to the crow in my mind, she is Grandmother. My mother has none of the qualities of a big cat, and yet when the panther appeared in my dream, I called her Mother.
I find myself wondering if this is subconscious pretense or true
spiritual awareness. Either way, it continues without my effort or
I'm leaning more toward privacy these days. I have a lot to say, but I hesitate to write any of it. This person or that one might be reading. Or perhaps it's just that I spend so much more time discussing things with Hubby than I once did.