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Anjelle
Complicated

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Monday, March 11, 2013
Sun Reflects on the Puddles

I was embarassed to find myself crying.

I had wanted a bath. After filling the tub on the hottest setting, the water was only just warm. I tried to relax anyway, but it wasn't happening. I got out, sat on the bed, and tried to control myself. I knew it was a silly thing to fight tears over. I just had to wait an hour for the water heater to do it's thing. Knowing didn't help. I was trying to reason with myself, when He came in.

I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn't what happened. He sat down on the bed with me, and I tried to hide my tears. I know I shouldn't hide from him. Shame is a compelling thing. It didn't much matter, anyway. As soon as he asked me what was wrong, my self-control snapped, and I was curled up, sobbing into my pillow.

He rubbed my back. He reassured me that it would be ok. He apologized for using more hot water than he thought on the dishes. He listened to what was wrong, and didn't try to "fix" me. He just let me cry. And I felt better for it.

Later, he ran a hot bath for me, even though we were short on time.

Spring is a crazy time for me. I'm a very seasonal person -- busy and social in summer, wanting to hibernate at home in winter. Spring is the hardest. I feel irritable most of the time. I vascillate between histerical laughter, irrational tears, and frustrated anger. Sometimes more than one conflicting emotion at time. Anything can set me off.

It's hard for a partner to deal with, and I know it. When anything can set me off, you have to assume that the things and people I am exposed to the most are going to set me off the most. That definitely holds true. I control it as best I can, but there is only so much that I can do. I delay from making any important life decisions in spring.

This man stands by me with grace, through my hardest times. He sticks with me when I can't remember anything good. He reminds me that he will still be here even if I hate it. That he will make it better, even when it's irrational. He loves me when I need it the most. When I don't want it.

I was embarassed to be sobbing over a cold bath. I am grateful that my life right now is so blessed that a cold bath is all I could find to be upset about.

Thank you, Love.

Posted at 12:01 pm by Anjelle

Friday
June 25, 2013   06:48 PM PDT
 
Amazing love!


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