I haven't written here in a while. I haven't had much to say. But now, I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling to anyone.
Even though breaking it off with Monkey was my decision -- and I have good reasons for having done so -- it hurts. I miss the good times we had. I miss the connection. I miss him, when he was happy. I find dishes he put away differently than I do, or a craft I was making for him, and the wound opens again.
Now he just thinks I'm a monster. An evil bitch. I know that I'm not, but gods, it hurts to see someone I love react to me that way. It's hard to see him in such turmoil, and know that I'm part of the cause. I want to comfort him, but it's no longer within my abilities.