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Anjelle
Complicated

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Thursday, February 18, 2010
Black and White

"The divine mysteries of nature are above and beyond the power of conception of the limited intellect. They must be grasped by the power of the spirit." --Franz Hartmann

I went browsing an antique shop, and found a book on magic. Go figure. So far it is very interesting reading indeed. In the preface alone, I have been forced to confront myself about my motives.

I study because I like to know things. I have an insatiable curiousity. The real knowing, though, comes from the heart, and the spirit. There, I find I am lacking. I doubt myself and my abilities.

In the material world, I am learning confidence. I can do things. I still have insecurities when it comes to the unknown -- not because it may be difficult, but because I fear that everyone will see my lack of experience.

I have the same fear on a spiritual level.

I study and read because I am afraid that, in doing, I will show my incompetence. This is true of many things, but it hinders me most in magic. I have faith in my power, but no faith in its execution. I need to learn to trust myself. Despite the success and strength of things done on whim and intuition, still I doubt my own skill.

Why?

(I could have let recent commenting stop me from making such personal insights public. But I will not allow anyone to destroy my trust and hope in the world. Despite the strength of a handful of hate, I believe in Love above all.)

Posted at 08:32 am by Anjelle



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