"The divine mysteries of nature are above and beyond the power of conception of the limited intellect. They must be grasped by the power of the spirit." --Franz Hartmann
I went browsing an antique shop, and found a book on magic. Go figure. So far it is very interesting reading indeed. In the preface alone, I have been forced to confront myself about my motives.
I study because I like to know things. I have an insatiable curiousity. The real knowing, though, comes from the heart, and the spirit. There, I find I am lacking. I doubt myself and my abilities.
In the material world, I am learning confidence. I can do things. I still have insecurities when it comes to the unknown -- not because it may be difficult, but because I fear that everyone will see my lack of experience.
I have the same fear on a spiritual level.
I study and read because I am afraid that, in doing, I will show my incompetence. This is true of many things, but it hinders me most in magic. I have faith in my power, but no faith in its execution. I need to learn to trust myself. Despite the success and strength of things done on whim and intuition, still I doubt my own skill.
(I could have let recent commenting stop me from making such personal insights public. But I will not allow anyone to destroy my trust and hope in the world. Despite the strength of a handful of hate, I believe in Love above all.)