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Anjelle
Complicated

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Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Where My Heart Is

I am sorry for the loss of K in my life. I worry for him. I wonder. I hope, for his future. He is such a beautiful, beautiful man, and I wish for his life to reflect and enhance that beauty. He deserves it. I am sad that I could not be a part of it. I started feeling that I was doing more to frustrate and hold him back than I was to support growth. I won't live with myself that way. Growth is important.

I am bothered by the continued presence of the demon in my world. Not that he interacts with me personally. But he interacts with folk I interact with, and I have run into him once or twice socially. This is notably uncomfortable for both of us. As time passes, I am less concerned with it. Still, it's an unpleasant sore spot.

I am alternately -- and often coincidingly -- worried and pleased by our relationships with Lass and Jae. They are good for us. I hope we are good for them. Both the individual interactions and as a whole.

The sugar doll (aka Bratling) has faded herself back into my life. There are... Oh, too many things going on there to even begin. I adore her. She adores me. Thats enough to know for this post, I think.

I have concerns, as mentioned yesterday, but also devotion.

I am grateful every day for the strong foundation that I have both in myself and in my primary relationship. We support each other. We care for each other. I was told the other day that we present an image of some sort of perfection and I was in awe. Over the weekend, I realized something amazing....

There is a blog that I have been reading for a while now. It's sort of been my... My dream. I want a life like that. A love like that. D/s, and family, and unshakable dedication to each other. I realized that we have that.

I hesitate to refer to D as 'Daddy' here, because of the association with K. Though he was Daddy long before K was a part of my life. He is my husband, my lover, my best friend, my confidante, my sparring partner, my sadist, and everything I ever dreamed or wished that he would let himself be. I look at how perfectly we are matched, and I am amazed that this is only the beginning. We are only just starting.

It gets better. Wow.


Posted at 04:03 pm by Anjelle



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