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Anjelle
Complicated

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Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Re-Working the Foundation

There aren't many people in this world that I trust absolutely. Most of them I expect to fade away. Run away. Slip away. (Is this the cause or the result of how terrible I am at keeping in touch?)

I've said before that when I love, it's forever. I care about people that I shouldn't even think about any more. I think of them, and wonder if they're ok. (In some cases I know they're not, and I wish them growth and healing.)

I'm scared, though. Always afraid that those closest to me will leave. There are some -- very few -- that I have faith in, but still doubt creeps in when I am weak. I still worry that I might do or say or be the wrong thing, and it will be over. I will be alone. (You'd think with all of the stupid things I've done that they've stuck it through, I'd be a little more confident.)

Somewhere along the way, I got severely screwed up. Somehow, someone convinced me that I had to be perfect to deserve love.

It's hard work undoing that lesson.


Posted at 09:41 am by Anjelle

Friday
February 3, 2009   10:13 AM PST
 
Confidence wavers in all of us. The incredible thing is that those who love us continue to love us even when we feel unlovable, no matter what we say or do.

As far as being the wrong thing? You are always who you are and no matter who that is at any given moment, you are loved. We love YOU -- not your behavior.

We don't always have to like a loved one's behavior but that doesn't erase the love. Heartstrings might get stretched from time to time, but they do not snap.

I've rambled. Relationships or drug addiction -- either topic will get me going. =^p

Hugs to you, my darlin'.
Deirdre
February 3, 2009   10:54 AM PST
 
I'm going nowhere.


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