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Anjelle
Complicated

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Monday, August 18, 2008
No, I'm Not Crazy

It occurs to me this may have been the first time that I had to disclose my personal self to someone 'new.'

My close friends were with me through the realizations and growth that has brought me to where I am today. The rest of the new folks come into my life in ways that have them already knowing the facts of me. Whether it's from an event, or online, they have the basic information when they decide to pursue a friendship. All I do is fill in the details as we get to know each other more. And usually they have similar basics.

I take that back. This is the second. The first time I didn't even notice it happening. He just sort of... Accepted and it wasn't a big deal.

But this... I've blown someone's perspective on the world wide open. I've questioned the very fundamentals of this person's way of living. Not that I think it's wrong for anyone else to live differently, and certainly I can't imagine this particular person living my sort of life, but just by being who I am and doing what I do, it is so very contrary to what has been known. The fact that I am -- presumably -- completely sane, and yet still behaving this way... I think that's what makes it so hard. If I was off-balance, it could simply be written off as 'She needs help.' But I'm not. I know what I want. I'm happy in who I am. And that puts a whole new light on everything.

I can feel it. I can feel how unsteady this has made things. I'm almost sorry, really. Because I want to have a friendship together. I want to hang out, and enjoy each other's company. I could have pursued it at the time. I could have committed someone to something before they knew what was what. But I don't want to take advantage. I don't want to harm.

So I'm sitting here, and I'm waiting. Hopefully all will work out in the end.

It's a new way of thinking, and that takes time.


Posted at 11:28 am by Anjelle



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