I hope to have internet at home again soon.

For now, my main access is through my phone. I can check my email, and do. I can log in here from my phone, but typing out my thoughts on those tiny little keys is more than I can stand.

So, until the future, sorry for the silences!

I love the golden light of morning, When everything is still -- As if the world is trapped in amber.

I noticed something odd today. When someone identifies as 'gay' or 'homosexual' I automatically dismiss them as a potential dating partner. In the instances of men, this makes sense. The catch is... I do it with women, also. This makes less sense. Why would a lesbian be un-date-able? I am interested in women. They are interested in women. I have neither male parts nor male genetics. I certainly have no expectation that my female partner must engage with anyone but whom she chooses... So why have I been ruling out women who would not choose men? Being aware, I can now consciously change this habit. And I will. Still, I wonder why it came to be in the first place.

"When you're lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you've just wandered off the path, that you'll find your way back to the trail-head any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and its time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don't even know from which direction the sun rises anymore."
--Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

I love this book. She talks about a lot of things that interest me, and resonate with me personally and where I'm at in my life. When I got to the part about depression... Well, I can't describe how I feel any better than her words.

I'm not myself any more. I don't know how to be the person I was. I feel lost. Out loud, I say it's because of the depression. Inside, I wonder...

Which came first?